An Engaging Predicament

Missy, her Dad and my family all went to a ball game last night. Before the game we were all tail-gating in the parking lot. We had brats, beer, burgers and potato salad. It was a real nice time.

While tail-gating, Vince gave his new born, Vinny, to Mike (Missy's Dad). Mike was all grins while he walked Vinny around the area. My brother comes up to me and says, "You better get down to baby business right after the wedding." I smiled and laughed, but I knew it was an apt thing to say.

Missy was the last baby in her immediate family. So Mike hasn't had a baby around for 24 years. And you can readily see that he's ready for one, his wife too. Nancy, Missy's mom, regularly watches a show called "Baby Story", and guess what the show is about...

I've expressed that I would wait until Missy and I are more financially ready for a child before we'd consider having one. I also would like to see Missy's older married sibling have a child first. Kathy and Jim are getting their affairs in order to have a child, so I don't want to try to beat them to the punch.

But I still feel that pressure. Missy wants to have children soon as well, but she respects my position too. I see her point though. Why bother waiting when no matter how prepared you try to be, you'll most likely end up worrying. I guess I could argue that under certain circumstances I would worry less, but that's not true. The honest reason is that children are a lot of responsibility. Sure they are a great reward in themselves, but the dedication I would put forth would prohibit me from other tasks I want to accomplish. That dream of writing a book, learning to paint with oils or my growing hobby of publishing political cartoons... Would I have any time for those things?

Sure that's selfish, maybe I haven't gotten that trait out of my system yet, maybe there is some residue left over from my teenage years, but I know I'm not ready for my own children just yet. I'm not saying that I don't like kids. Ask anyone, I love the hell out of them. It's just that I want to give them the best Tony I can, and I don't think I can do that if I could or ever would be harboring any animosity towards them for "taking away my youth". I hate it when I hear adults speak of that around their children. Those kids didn't ask to be born. I want my kids to know that I knew I'd love them so much that they had to be born.